


The Basics of Emotion

by LeeRose



Series: Similarities [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Angst, College, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-08-07 21:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7729822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeRose/pseuds/LeeRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He helped me the entire day. And then...stopped me from doing something stupid. Took me to a bar to talk, got me drunk, we left and...he kissed me."</p><p>Kanaya pursed her lips as she processed your infodump.</p><p>"Did you tell him...?"</p><p>You sigh. "Yeah."</p><p>Your name is Karkat Vantas and you have a hangover and are full of confusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confusion

"He helped me the entire day. And then...stopped me from doing something stupid. Took me to a bar to talk, got me drunk, we left and...he kissed me."

Kanaya pursed her lips as she processed your infodump.

"Did you tell him...?"

You sigh. "Yeah."

Your name is Karkat Vantas and youre having lunch with your best friend, Kanya Maryam on the college campus fountain.

The sun shines brightly with no clouds surrounding it. It's overall a nice day. People are walking around campus, talking and laughing with their respective friends.

"Well," Kanya promptly says, smiling at you sweetly. "How did it make you feel? You have been saying how you felt you were finally ready to get back into dating. Do you have any attraction to him?"

You turn your head to your fumbling hands, twisting around eachother with anxiety.

"I don't know?" You from the statement into a question, shrugging in unison. "I only just met him yesterday. I don't know how to think about him at all really. At first I was harsh to him like I usually am with most people when I first meet them. But seeing him throughout the day...I don't know. He wasn't as much as a douchebag as I expected with the way he walked and talked and those fucking shades holy shit, why the fuck does he wear those insufferable things? It's like he doesn't even-"

Kanaya applied an open palm to the side of your face, cutting you off from your tirade, something she's had to do often.

"It sounds like you like him. At least in some hate fuled sense. You only really get to your state of word vomiting when you have a crush on someone." She whispers to you in the voice she only uses to calm you and ground you into reality.

Usually the reality that you try to not accept. But she's right. You have to admit that there's something there. Maybe not affection but...interest.

"Okay well, I'm at least curious as to if he really does like me. Especially after telling him my 'darkest secret'." You say in air quotes while making a forced stern and serious face.

Your friend raises a hand to her mouth and chuckles, a sight that makes you genuinely smirk. You don't try to hide it. You don't get to have too many, so you revel in the feeling of your worried face muscles tense upward.

It's the humor that makes it easier. Being able to make fun of it indirectly and putting yourself in a position to where you can feel like it really doesn't bother you. It still does, but it gets easier with every joke.

"Okay so...I don't hate him or anything. For kissing me that is. It's perfectly fine, we were both drunk and...I mean...he puked the most dramatic apology at me almost instantly and ran off. It looked genuine so...I guess he genuinely felt bad about doing it."

"So what will you do when you see him again? You do live across from eachother."

You hum in thought, kicking your feet, watching them dance with their respective shadows on the concrete ground.

You're not going to curse him out. If he truly felt bad about the kiss, it would only make it worse. Maybe you should just talk about it with him.

"I guess talk to him and ask what it was really about. If he just wants to have sex with me and then move on, then I can't really give that to him. Don't really want to either."

Kanaya smiles softly at your answer and nods, leaning on her hands and watching the trees sway in the breeze.

You're anxious about the pending conversation you may have today but...it's a nice day. For once, you're not full of doubt and self-defeating thoughts.

\----------------------------------------------

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Rose can not know about what happened last night.

Your name is Dave Strider and you're eating lunch with Rose Lalonde at the pizzarea outside of the college campus.

You're tapping your foot at a mid pace, freaking about how many ways she could sniff out what had happened from you. The damn blood hound of secrets just sits in front of you, looking at her Pintrest feed on her phone.

Bail?

Bail.

"Hey Rose, I'm gonna bounce, I'm not feeling too hungry today."

Rose looks up at you and then down at the pizza you took one bite out of on your plate. Shit, really Rose?

"You usually devour your pizza like a mad man, Dave, what's different today?"

Quick brain, excuses are required. "I drank last night. My stomach isn't too good right now, don't have too much of an appetite."

Rose blinks but gives a smirk and nods. "Alright. Talk to you later?"

You nod, picking up your plate to throw it away, "Yeah, I'll call you. Bye."

You dump the plate but keep the AJ, waiting until you walk out of view to pull out your pack and light the cigarette that hangs from your mouth. Smoke trails behind you, the wind picking up slightly as you walk out to the open school parking lot, taking the red flannel you're wearing and sweeping it behind you like a cape.

Your heart drops twenty miles into Earth's crust and you freeze as you spot Karkat pulling out of his car, looking frustrated with his right hand on his hip.

Your mind buzzes with panic, unsure of what to do. Karkat must've felt your eyes boring into his face, turning in your direction and noticing your paled face and shocked expression.

His eyes flash with recognition and then...calm? Like, really confident calmness. That's one look you don't think you could get used to after seeing him be so angry all the time.

He shuts his car door and looks at it for a moment before turning his head to walk up to you.

You take a step back, afraid he's going to curse you out. Maybe you could just run? He probably wouldn't be able to keep up with your speed or endurance.

You fumble for a moment as you feel your cigarette sliding out of your hand, catching if mid fall in your cupped hands, slightly burning your finger. You hiss from the pain but achieve in not letting it drop.

At this point, Karkat has gotten within spitting distance to you, and quirking his eyebrow up a foot from his eye.

"You okay?" He asks, confusion in his voice.

You stare at him, feeling your face whisk itself into a silent and still wall.

He crosses his arms as you continue to stare at your awkwardness before sighing.

"Okay so, we kissed last night. Let's just put that on the table already. And it's fine. I don't mind."

Oh. What?

"Uh..." You let one long 'Uh' float out from your mouth.

Then Karkat starts to look a little annoyed. "So you don't have to fucking apologize for doing it."

You straighten up, forming a response in your head.

"Well, I still don't feel great about it you know. It was really sudden, and I just started to kinda...like you so I went for it. But it was a mistake, and we were drunk-"

"What does that mean? How was it a mistake?" Karkat interrupts you, snarling a little bit and raising a hand in some sort of gesture past his ear.

"Well I just mean I shouldn't have done it, you had just told me what had happened to you and I felt bad-"

"So you only kissed me because you felt bad." Karkat says the question in the form of a statement, placing his arm back into place with the other. His entire face falls like a brick into calm anger.

Shit. "No, no, I just felt bad because you told me you were..."

Karkat releases his hands and and grabs the bridge of his nose, scrunching it with annoyance.

"Jesus Christ, not all rape victims are fragile porcelain dolls, Dave! You can say the fucking word." He raises his voice at you, giving you eyes full of contempt.

Scratching the back of your head, you pause to form a proper response.

"Okay. So. I'm still sorry, but if you're fine with it, okay. I guess I'll just move on from it." You say to your shoes.

"Oh, no, I need to kno-" Karkat is cut off as his phone chimes and you both focus on it. He glances at you briefly before pulling the mini monolith out of his pocket, looking at the screen. His eyes nearly pop out of his head before he starts typing immediately.

"Shit...I have to go." He curses under his breath.

"Oh?...okay." You say, noting the slight accidental release of disappointment in your voice.

The short man shoves his phone back into his pocket, giving you a commanding look as he holds out his hand. "Give me your phone."

"What?"

"I'm going to put my number in there, dumbass. We're going to finish this discussion."

Now it's your turn for your eyebrow to raise. "Uh...okay."

You hand him your phone and watch with a detatched and dream like feeling as he punches his number into your contacts.

"Text me later tonight. I'll get back to you when I can."

You stare at your phone and nod, looking at the new contact programmed into the short list. When you look up, Karkat is hurriedly walking back into campus and typing on his phone.

You look back at your phone to check if that had really happened before putting it away. You take a long drag and sigh the smoke out slowly.

Your name is Dave Strider and you're watching birds caw on the power line above you.


	2. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CG: WHY DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT GANG CULTURE ANYWAY?
> 
> TG: well i wouldn't say i know SO MUCH  
>  TG: but rap is my favorite genre of music so i pick up a lot of information unknown to most white middle class suburban children
> 
> GC: UGH.
> 
> TG: what  
>  TG: do you not get down with some ill bars dude  
>  TG: i can show you some hot shit bro

GC: Karkat  
GC: Help

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you stand before Terezi Pyrope's apartment door.

You knock on the door, not sure what to expect. The sudden cry for help took you away from your discussion with Dave, but only those three words were offered. You attempted to ask her what was going on but she hasn't answered.

Speaking of which, she hasn't answered the door. You begin to get antsy and bang on the door even harder. When there's still no answer, you turn the knob to enter the apartment, finding it to be unlocked.

"Terezi?" You call from the entry way. You step in and close the door behind you. The entering hallway is darkened, none of the lights are on. Walking into the living room, you look around for a trace of the blind girl.

On the coffee table lays a pill bottle. You pick it up to inspect it.

"Vicodin? Why the fuck does Terezi need Vicodin?" You set the bottle down and walk into her room to the left of the couch.

The room is as messy as usual. Blankets are strewn about, her cherished dragon cape lays face down on the floor. Still, no sign of her.

Opening the door to the adjacent bathroom, you find a naked and wet Terezi laying in the tub with the shower pounding down on her flesh.

"Jesus, fuck, Terezi! What the hell?" You shout at her, covering your eyes and turning your head.

"Karkat...you're here." Terezi speaks in a soft and cushioned voice. 

"Yeah, and why am I?"

Terezi turns her head towards you and blinks against her useless grey eyes.

"I took too much Vicodin. The first one wasn't working so I took two more and then decided to take a shower. I fell when it started to hit me. I can't smell anything between the water and the Vicodin, I could barely even get my phone to ask for help. Couldn't be bothered to quirk either."

You look down, avoiding the sight of Terezi to see her phone covered in water and showing your text log with your texts unanswered.

"Why the hell are you taking Vicodin?" You ask as you walk forward and bend down to pick up the phone. Before drying it off, you reach over and turn the water off. The silence from the lack of the steady stream of water is almost deafening.

"Headaches. I've just been suddenly getting them. The doctor doesn't know why, so before I get an MRI he prescribed me some to take the edge off." Terezi attempts to sit up but slides from the water, falling limply back down in the tub.

"Am I just supposed to...carry you?" You ask, still denying your gaze from her body.

"Yeah. I can't get up." Terezi admits this dreamily and closes her eyes.

"Fuck..." You stand up and dry off her phone, setting it on the sink. You take the towel off of the rack and walk towards her, blocking your own view of her body, laying it flat to cover her breats and...well, you know.

You pick the drugged out blind girl, blushing profusely from the contact of naked skin, and carry her to her bedroom. She inhales through her nose deeply and sighs contently, bringing her nose to your arm to nuzzle you. Biting your lip and ignoring the urge to drop her from the unexpected affectionate gesture, you lay her onto her bed.

"Thanks Karkles..." Terezi says, closing her eyes once more.

"Sure..." You stand and watch her fall asleep.

You watch her chest rise and fall, noting the towel slipping off. You holy and run over to drag a blanket over her. Officially having helped her, you walk outside to the living room couch and slump onto it, sighing.

"What a fucking day." You say to no one in particular.

And just then, your phone buzzes.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you answer Dave Strider outside of a naked Terezi Pyrope's room.

\----------------------------------------------

Your name is Dave Strider and you had just arrived home after your last class.

It feels weird experiencing a day other than the same one. Shit now seems unexpected and almost makes you scared. Like when you ran into Karkat at the parking lot. It was weird seeing him on a route you hadn't expected him to be on, you slipped easily back into thinking it was the same day when you were by yourself.

He seemed to be really understanding of you kissing him. And he wants to talk about it more.

Maybe...?

Well. Can't text him immediately, he's probably busy. You pass the time writing down lyrics that have a distinct time focus aspect to them, ignoring the urge to drop him a line.

You don't ignore it for long though. Only making it one hour before you succumb to the persistent voice similar to yours in your mind screaming at you to at least give him your number.

turntechGodhead [TG] began texting carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: yo  
TG: its dave  
TG: get back to me whenever

You've officially quelled the urge to text the angry man and so you set your phone down and lean back. Pulling the ash tray on your desk closer to you, you light up and attempt to relax. Though it doesn't last long as your phone buzzes back immediately.

GC: HEY.

TG: whats up

GC: WHERE THE FUCK IS THE QUESTION MARK?

TG: what

GC: WHERE'S THE FUCKING QUESTION MARK, YOU DOUCHE CANOE?

TG: i unno i could be fucked to put the effort into proper puncuation when I text someone  
TG: like i have to do that shit at class  
TG: why the fuck do it when I'm just coolin

GC: THATS FUCKING STUPID.

TG: would you prefer boolin

GC: WHAT THE EVER LASTING DIARRHEA DUMP IS 'boolin'?

TG: slang  
TG: slang that a particular gang called bloods use

GC: WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY DO THAT? IT'S INCREDIBLY INCORRECT, IT HARDLY EVEN MAKES SENSE.

TG: cuz their rival gang is the crips, and coolin starts with a c as does the word crip  
TG: so they change it to a b because bloods starts with a b

CG: IM GOING TO ASSUME THEY DO THIS ARBITRARY RITUAL FOR ALL WORDS STARTING WITH THE LETTER C.

TG: man I dont know  
TG: im obviously not a blood  
TG: i don't know if they call chili 'bhili' instead  
TG: that just seems stupid but I wouldnt put it past them

CG: WHY DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT GANG CULTURE ANYWAY?

TG: well i wouldn't say i know SO MUCH  
TG: but rap is my favorite genre of music so i pick up a lot of information unknown to most white middle class suburban children

GC: UGH.

TG: what  
TG: do you not get down with some ill bars dude  
TG: i can show you some hot shit bro

GC: NO. PLEASE DON'T. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

TG: okay shoot

GC: WHY?

TG: im pretty sure i already told you why man

GC: NO, I MEAN, DO YOU LIKE ME?  
GC: LIKE, DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A ROMANTIC INTEREST IN ME?

You pause, unsure of how to answer. Why is he asking?

TG: uh  


TG: well yeah i guess  


TG: im not about to lie to you  


TG: though it is weird when someone just outright asks you that

GC: THIS IS SOMETHING I NEED TO KNOW.  
GC: YOU KNOW, ON ACCOUNT OF HAVING BEEN TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.  
GC: AND I HAVE BEEN THE TARGET OF SOME UNWANTED SEXUAL DESIRE IN THE PAST, BORDERING ON THE POINT OF HARRASMENT  
GC: SO IF ALL YOU WANT OUT OF ME IS SEX, IT'S A SOLID FUCKING NO.

TG: so  
TG: since i dont want just sex  
TG: what is that  
TG: like a gaseous no or a liquid yes  
TG: a plasmatic maybe

GC: I...  
GC: DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW YOU TOO WELL. AND WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT ME SO FAR IS THAT I'M A SUICIDAL RAPE VICTIM.

TG: nah thats not true  
TG: i know youre friends with roses gf  
TG: and drive a vw bug

GC: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.  
GC: STILL, YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW MY PAST OTHER THAN WHAT I TOLD YOU.  
GC: I THINK IF YOU KNEW EVERYTHING, YOU PROBABLY WOULDNT BE INTERESTED ANYMORE.

TG: okay  
TG: how about this  
TG: ill tell you something embarrassing or terrible about my past  
TG: you dont have to tell me anything, but ill extend a branch here

GC: OKAY. I'M INTERESTED IN MORE WAYS TO RIDICULE YOU.

TG: dont make me regret this man  
TG: so  
TG: before me and rose figured out we were brother and sister  
TG: i had a huge crush on her  
TG: and i confessed to her

Your heart is racing as you let loose one of your closely held secrets. Karkat doesn't answer for some time.

TG: dude  
TG: cmon i just dropped a huge ass truth bomb  
TG: i cant tell if youre just laughing at me or telling someone else that very dear secret

GC: OH, I'M LAUGHING.  
GC: LAUGHING MY ASS OFF.  
GC: I'M LAUGHING MY ASS OFF SO HARD THAT I THINK I JUST WOKE A VICODIN ADDLED TEREZI.

What? He's at Terezi's place?

TG: is that why you ran off so quickly

CG: YEAH.  
GC: SHE TOOK A BUNCH OF VICODIN AND FELL IN THE BATHTUB AND NEEDED HELP GETTING OUT.

TG: what the fuck

GC: YEAH, I DON'T REALLY KNOW EITHER.  
GC: SHE'S APPARENTLY BEEN HAVING BAD HEADACHES AND BEFORE SHE CAN GET HER MUSHY BRAIN SCANNED, HER IDIOT OF A DOCTOR PRESCRIBED THE BLIND GIRL VICODIN.

Well. Shit. So, he saw her naked then. Great, you didn't even get to see her naked.

TG: well anyway  
TG: i told you a super dark secret so you know  
TG: you at least know now im not just fuckin around

GC: I GUESS YOU'RE NOT. BUT...THE THING IS, I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN INTO DATING SINCE CRONUS.  
GC: I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT TRYING AGAIN, BUT I JUST DON'T WANT THIS BECOME SOMETHING THAT RUINS ME FOREVER.  
GC: EVER SINCE CRONUS, I HAVEN'T REALLY DATED MUCH BECAUSE IT TENDS TO FUCK ME UP.

TG: i cant promise that i wont fuck you up  
TG: i can only be honest here  
TG: but if something happens  
TG: then ill leave you alone  
TG: forever

The bubbles start up, and then go away. Come up, go down. It seems like you may have to take the reigns here.

TG: so im going to ask humbly  
TG: how about a drink  
TG: tomorrow

Karkat doesn't answer for a solid minute.

GC: WE HAD DRINKS JUST YESTERDAY, STRIDER.

TG: okay then what about a movie

More silence. It seems to last for about an eternity while your heart beats wildly, threatening to bust out of your rib cage.

GC: YOU'RE PAYING.

And then all the anxiety explodes into pure giddiness. You can't help but shake with excitement but you manage to keep your cool and answer him.

TG: sweet  
TG: how about 7-8?

GC: FINE. DON'T MAKE ME REGRET THIS, STRIDER.

You hop out of your chair and run your hands through your hair, exhaling a breath you didn't even know you were holding in. You can't help but smile a ludicrously dumb grin.

You're name is Dave Strider and you scored a date with the one Karkat Vantas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dope. I did it. 2 for 2.
> 
> I hope everyone who read and enjoyed The Right Time is here for this, because this is probably going to be way better from what I have planned.
> 
> Would anybody want a playlist/soundtrack of this shit I'm listening to to fit the mood of these chapters? Cause I ain't got a problem with showing some people some good Rap music. Though when I'm writing Karkat I'm listening to Emo. So there's that too.
> 
> Hope you liked this shit, pesterlog sucks.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	3. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Though I am no longer a devoted artisan of the ironic persuasion, I am still hurt by your accusation that I do not understand the etymology behind one of my greatest past times."
> 
> You shove another forkful of lasagna into your mouth and speak while chewing. "You're talking to a goddamn English Major you fuck, I know what I'm talking about here."

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and though you won't admit it, you're enjoying your date with Dave Strider.

The douche in shades brought you to a fancy restaurant in the richer side of the city before your movie, and he's making quick work of cracking shit jokes.

"I don't think you knew what the word irony meant, and I still don't think you do."

Dave sets his fork down and dramatically huffs, turning his head away from your direction.

"Though I am no longer a devoted artisan of the ironic persuasion, I am still hurt by your accusation that I do not understand the etymology behind one of my greatest past times."

You shove another forkful of lasagna into your mouth and speak while chewing. "You're talking to a goddamn English Major you fuck, I know what I'm talking about here."

Dave turns back around and smirks at you. "In anycase," he says, stirring his spaghetti. "I've moved past all that shit. I realized early on it was something like another wall I built around myself to hide from genuine sincerity. So I tore that shit down."

You raise an eyebrow at the man across from you, a loose strand of pasta hanging out of his mouth. "Why did you do that in the first place?"

Dave looks down at his plate for a split second before shrugging and answering. "Bro. Taught me what being a Strider meant."

You nod solemnly, letting a silence brew as the heavy meaning behind the single sentence sets in. It's clear to you that this Bro is a person who raised Dave, and he wasn't a good guardian. Though it is somewhat of a feat, considering what you do know of their relationship, that he's been able to pull himself out of the emotionless hole his brother dug and buried himself in.

You can't say you hate your own brother, but he does get on your nerves. Within that though, you can see the benefits of having at least one family member, especially the one that had raised you, actually give a shit about you. It provides some unconditional stability you're able to fall back on whenever. And it seems Dave doesn't exactly have the luxury to do that.

Just when the silence starts to become uncomfortable, Dave breaks it.

"How about your brother? Kankri I think his name was?"

You exhale through your nose. "Yeah. He raised me from when I was 10 and on. He was 17, just about to finish highschool, but had to become a parent incredibly fast. He was built for it though, the fucking mother hen that he is. Constantly doting and whatnot."

Dave nods at the information. The rest of dinner is finished rather quickly, Dave pays and you both leave. It's now late September, just as chilly October air starts to creep in, and the wind whisking your hair makes you shiver all the way to the theater.

"What do you want to see?" Dave asks, turning on his heel to face you as you stroll up to the ticket master's booth.

You puruse the titles, glazing over titles that don't pique your interest before you spot Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind.

"That one." You say, barely containing your excitement as you thrust your finger up at the title.

Dave narrows his eyebrows. "Didn't that come out years ago?"

You shrug. "Yeah, but they're probably showing it because not much else is out right now."

"What's it even about?" Dave asks as he turns to you.

"Technically, it's a romance. But in my opinion it's more of psychological thriller/comedy. It's kind of all over the place and artsy but still really good."

"Jim Carrey, right? He usually butchers anything that isn't just slap in the face comedy."

You shake your head. "He's actually surprisingly good in this."

Dave shrugs after a moment, buying your tickets. This isn't the first time you've watched it, and you love it. From the looks of it, Dave is enjoying it too. You both leave the theater at 10 at night, the chill officially setting in.

"Honestly, the best thing about it was I had no fucking idea where it was going. It was so unpredictable. And that ending? In most dramas, never is emotion that explosive justified, but shit, all of that was clearly solid and real."

Dave depicts his findings on the movie and all you can do is nod, because you agree wholeheartedly. You both climb into Dave's car and begin the drive home, Dave lighting a cigarette.

"Why do you smoke?" You ask, cold hands stuck under your ass in attempts at regaining feeling into them.

Dave shrugs. "You could blame it on my first girlfriend, but it's my fault I've kept at it this long. I don't really even think about it now."

"Do you intend on quiting at all?"

Another shrug. "Eh. I don't really have much reason to."

You stare out of the window as you both drive back to your apartment complex, the street lamps of Seatlle whipping by you in equal time. You've escaped the towering surrounding that is skyscrapers and have made it into the close outskirts of the city, where things seem almost dead compared to the bustling city full of life.

Turning into Dave's parking space, he shuts the car off and you both sit in silence for a moment.

"Did you have fun?" Dave asks, looking at you.

You turn your head towards him, the sound of your coat fabric sliding against different parts of eachother amplified in the compact space of the car.

"Free food and a movie. Can't really complain."

You leave out the part about how, compared to how most of your romantic life has gone, you actually had a wonderful time. Things were easy going, nothing was forced or rushed. You feel as though you have to contribute some of that to the fact that Dave already knows one of the biggest things about you, so there was no dancing around topics like past partners or anything physical beyond shoulders touching and playful shoving.

Dave nods, accepting your subdued response. He fidgets with his hands for a moment, and you understand the sudden awkwardness. Usually, a date is supposed to end with a kiss. He obviously feels like doing so would be crossing a line, especially because he already freaked out about the first time he kissed you.

So you do it for him.

In that moment, you realized what you missed in your drunken and surprised stupor. His lips aren't full, cracked and dry beyond repair. What they make up for though is how warm and enveloping they are to yours. You kiss him somewhere between deeply and a slight peck, and he jolts in suprise. He doesn't exactly reciprocate, but before he can even process what's happening to kiss back, you pull away. He's stunned and turns his head towards you, mouth agape and eyebrows raised. You suppress a snicker at the sight.

"Goodnight, asshole."

You get out of the car and shut the door behind you. As you step onto your side of the complex, you faintly hear a loud "YES!" behind you, making your already heavy blush encompass your entire face.

You can't hold back your smile.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you realize you really do like the douche of a man named Dave Strider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What up.
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter after a couple days wait, but I kinda just wanna get this one out of the way for the more important shit to happen. Not sure when I'll update again, but it'll probably be soon.
> 
> Again, if anyone wants like a playlist or just a song I'll do that, some people like it on other fics so I have no problem doing it too.
> 
> Next chapter will have some angst in it, so there you go.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> P.S.  
> Please check out this fic: http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/16140916?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_72456748  
> It's fucking amazing, and I've been binge reading it for three days. The author puts in a tremendous amount of work and deserves all the hits, comments and kudos. So do that.
> 
> It's way better than the drivel I'm writing here.


	4. Night & Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just..." Karkat begins, bringing his hands to his face.
> 
> "It's...okay. It's okay, Kar." Your bring your hands to your knees and straighten a little.

Pulling him closer, you duck your head down to connect your lips to his. You can feel his fingers forming a firm and securing grip on your shoulders. A force that brings you closer to him, flushing your chest and legs up against him. Not to be completely undone and dead still like a fish aside from your lips, you run your right hand through his messy hair, keeping the left side of his curls up and out of his face, your left placed on his midsection.

You break the kiss and start a line going down from the corner of his mouth all the way down to the nape of his neck. Feeling him gasp with pleasure only makes you dig deeper into his skin.

Blood running out of your brain, you slowly drag your hand down to the hem of his jeans.

"D-" he starts, hitched off as you press your tongue against the skin between your teeth.

You tug downward on his pants, the left of his plush ass escaping the confines of his skinny jeans.

"Dave..." Karkat calls out, but it sounds like a mile away as you cup his cheek with your hand and grip forcefully.

"DAVE."

You dart backwards, ripping your teeth off of his skin with a pop, hands raised up anxiously, mouth agape.

"Just..." Karkat begins, bringing his hands to his face.

"It's...okay. It's okay, Kar." Your bring your hands to your knees and straighten a little.

Your name is Dave Strider and you're spending your Friday night with your boyfriend of 3 months, Karkat Vantas.

It's the day after your monthly anniversary and Karkat had promised to finally try. You were eating at Red Robin (Karkat's choice, assuredly), and as you started to chug the rest of your beer, your boyfriend blurted:

"I'm ready to try and have sex with you, Dave."

You immediately choked on your drink and it all came flooding out onto your half eaten burger.

After laughing both of your asses off, you spoke about it.

"Are you sure?" You ask, having taken your glasses off to show you meant business.

Karkat, as usual, was mesmerized on sight of your red eyes. You're not sure why he found them so breathtaking. They were just dumb, mutant red eyes.

Karkat nodded tightly, obviously flustered.

"I've been thinking about it non-stop since our first month. I can't promise anything, but...I want to try."

You couldn't keep your smile hidden even a fraction, taking his hand in yours as you shared a tender moment.

Now, illuminated by the moonlight shifting through your bedroom blinds, you look at the beautiful and emotionally wrecked man in front of you. The blankets that had once been made perfect on top of your mattress now lay in a messy circle around your boyfriend. He sits hunched over, one hand keeping the hair out of his eyes and the other arm bracing against his stomach as if he was wounded.

You resist the urge to sigh, knowing if he heard disappointment coming from you, he would only hate himself more. You slide over to him and hold him, head level with his. You rub his shoulder in the attempt to comfort him somewhat.

"Fuck..." He curses beside you, wetness in his voice. You look at him, reaching your free hand over and cupping his face, tilting it your way and upward to get a look at him.

A stream of tears pour from his eyes and drip off of his face. His eyes are full of a chaotic whirlwind of emotion. As he sniffs, you count them all.

Anger. Sadness. Self-hate. Pleading.

And fear.

You honestly kind of feel like crying too.

You don't. You have to put on a strong and reassuring front to help him through this, through on the inside your heart aches.

For a fleeting moment you feel as though you love him.

You brush that feeling aside, it's a little too early and a little too inappropriate for that at the moment. Even if you were desperately in love with him right at that moment, you're sure he wouldn't believe you.

Taking hold of his shoulder, you lean him down with your necks against the pillows, propping your head up. You reach over and press the power on the cable remote resting on your windowsill.

You load up Xfinity, going to movies and renting 50 First Dates. You leap out of bed and run to the kitchen in a hurry, grabbing ice cream, Arizona tea and Doritos, flash stepping back into the room, slowly closing the door behind you.

You climb into bed over your boyfriend, settling down and looking at him. He has a grateful and loving smile plastered on his face, contrasting against the fat lines of tears running down his cheeks.

You smirk back and pop open the ice cream for him, reaching over his legs and grabbing your bag of Doritos. You lay back and watch one of Karkat's favorite movies for the rest of the night. Karkat's tears eventually stop and he starts to chuckle and get teary eyed again as Adam Sandler woos the same girl a million times, completely engrossed in the film and a million miles away from everything that had happened not even 30 minutes ago.

You mentally fist pump, congratulating on saving your boyfriend from spiraling down into a pit of depression.

Again.

Your name is Dave Strider and you're not sure how much longer you can hold your boyfriend together.

\----------------------------------------------

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you hate yourself more than usual.

You sit awake, hair tied up in a bun as you stare into space sitting on Dave's bed. It's 9 in the morning, too early for Dave to wake himself up, and the sun light beams warmly through the blinds, cascading light on the messy bedsheets. Dave's long and incredibly muscular legs jut out of the comforter, laying still. You're wearing your plaid boxers and one of Dave's shirts, which has a stupid design of a record with a crack down the middle.

You sigh, hopelessness pooling up in your chest, making you feel like your insides are stuck in a sickly stasis. Dave rouses slightly and starts to sit up. He yawns and smiles as he makes eye contact with you.

His long and lean torso twists effortlessly as he leans over to give you a peck on the cheek. You smile back despite the overwhelming tide of depression washing over your brain.

He leaps over you and lands perfectly on the floor. You watch in awe and disbelief as usual whenever he does anything slightly athletic.

He walks out of the room, and you feel the threat of tears beat at your eyes.

"Goddamnit...come on..." You will yourself to stop, rationalizing to yourself that everything is perfect right now and that there's no point in crying.

It's a hard job, but you manage to stop the torrent of emotions by the time Dave comes back to the room, brandishing two plates, one with an Everything Bagel and cream cheese and the other, toast.

You take the toast and feel a smile break your expression, Dave pecking you one more time before playing an episode of Steven Universe.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're not sure how much longer you can keep up with your unchecked mental health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo.
> 
> I wanted to keep this short and sweet. You ever read a fic with fluff and angst mixed? It feels relatable to me when it's done. But that's my personal life so eh, not interesting.
> 
> Okay so like, if any of you are artists and want to make some art, do me a favor and draw tired and defeated morning Karkat with a messy bun. It's my favorite personal mental image of Karkat. I need to see this for truth and I'll feature your shit in whatever chapter comes after you present it. If any of you do.
> 
> Again, I can make a playlist.  
> Imma keep asking til someone says yes or no.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> P.S.  
> I got another fic rec for yall.  
> http://archiveofourown.org/series/334450  
> Blood Stained Knight of Beforus. Some of the best world building I've read on this site, good characterization, and an unfolding plot that's like 60+ chapters deep. I personally can't read somethin if it ain't more than 5 chapters long. So this shit is great. Check it.
> 
> P.S.S.  
> For Kitsuya  
> tumblr.com/blog/thissiteisshite
> 
> I think that's it. Might be wrong.
> 
> Ye.


	5. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yeah, it's next to the fridge. You gotta kinda wiggle the power cord to get it to turn on though."
> 
> "Is it shitty?" You ask.
> 
> "The shittiest." John answers.
> 
> "Wouldn't have it any other fucking way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm outside and phone is almost dead so I didn't proof read.
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> Hope I didn't do too bad.

"Goddamnit, Dave, just knock on the fucking door."

"But what if they're making out? He didn't answer my "I'm here." text. Why does no one answer that shit? Isn't it just like common courtesy to answer that with like a "Come on in." Or something?"

Karkat, face deep in his hand, sighs. "Just knock on the door, David."

"That's not my name and you know it."

Karkat whips his head up at you, and shoots you a steady, I'm-going-to-cut-your-dick-off glare.

Your name is Dave Strider and you're standing in front of your friend, John Egbert's apartment that he shares with his girlfriend, Vriska Serket with your boyfriend, Karkat Vantas clinging to your arm.

John had invited you to a double date, where he was going to make dinner and catch up with you and get the details on your and Karkat's relationship. Karkat didn't know John, but he had said he personally knows Vriska.

Your opinion on the woman are similar. Neither of your were looking forward to the encounter.

"Kaaaaaarkaaaaaat..." You whine, bouncing your body with your legs.

"What?" He humors you in his maximum annoyed voice.

"I don't wanna."

"Your best friend invited us to dinner, and incase you haven't noticed, we're both a little above dirt poor. So, we're going to get this free food, and, you're getting out of the house. You've been working on that damn album for too long."

"Mixtape."

"Whatever."

You sigh, knowing your beloved boyfriend is right. You stay cooped up in your room, mixing and remixing songs over and over, trying to perfect your sound. The only times you leave is when Karkat needs you to come out and buy food, go to your classes, or when he insists on a date night.

Just then, John opens the door.

"Hey, Dave! Hi, Karkat! Come on in."

You shoot Karkat a look and he shakes his head. He can't just fuckin text that to you, he has to say it do your face.

"Hey John." You say, stepping into the apartment.

It's mostly what you've come to expect with John. Mostly bland, white walls and IKEA furniture, save for some choice movie posters. Though the evidence that it is shared with Vriska is clear. A poster for Starcraft 2 hangs on the wall of the kitchen entrance, and a large case housing a Turantula is set up next to the computer desk.

You're pretty sure you hear Wicker Man playing in the background from the TV. The Cage version obviously. Not the good, psychological thriller 70's original.

"John, you do know that the best Cage movie is Weather Man, right?" You ask while noting how Karkat is wrestling with his coat behind you.

John, currently on his way to the kitchen, stumbles over his own foot to give you a dubious look. "Are you serious? That movie is so depressing! It's his worst performance."

You scoff as you walk up to the fridge, opening it and looking for the beer John assuredly keeps in there.

"But that's like the whole point. It's his best because Nicholoas Cage is a visibly depressing man. He reeks of hopelessness." You say, cracking the cold can of piss water.

John snorts. "As if. His best performance is obviously World Trade Center. He conveys such raw emotion."

You almost shoot beer out of your nose. "I didn't take you for a fuckin patriot man."

John turns his head, eyebrow raised. Just before he can get into whatever bullshit defense he was going to get into, Karkat stomps over, successfully de-coated and a little miffed.

"Do you have a coffee machine?" He asks, voice a little gruff with his near perpetual tiredness.

John smiles, probably forgetting about your discussion. "Yeah, it's next to the fridge. You gotta kinda wiggle the power cord to get it to turn on though."

"Is it shitty?" You ask.

"The shittiest." Your friend answers.

"Wouldn't have it any other fuckin way." Your boyfriend mumbles next to you. 

You chuckle, running your arm around his midsection, pulling him over to peck his cheek.

"Ugh, goddamnit, Dave, you're making this harder than it needs to be." Karkat raises his voice slightly, pushing your face with his hand. You fight him and push your face hard, making fish lips at him.

"STOP, EW, WHAT THE FUCK, GET THAT SHIT AWAY FROM ME." Karkat is practically screaming at you at this point, coffee pot brandished above his head as if he's about to bring it down on your head.

"Ooooooooh myyyyyyyy gooooooood, shut up."

You all turn, finding a particular spider bitch standing next to the fridge. Her black hair is tied up ronin style, and she's wearing what is probably John's very first ghostbusters t-shirt.

"Why in the name of god's bowel movements aren't you wearing pants?" Karkat asks, incredulous.

Vriska scoffs, whpping her hair around. "It's my goddamn apartment, I can wear whatever the fuck I want."

John laughs at her response just before she pulls hard on the fridge, launching you forward and into John, crotch to butt. You accidentally spill beer in his hair, which makes him scream like a girl. You trip on his right ankle while trying to save face and end up on your ass laughing, sloshing beer everywhere.

"Holy shit, you guys are so ridiculous." Karkat remarks, a small smirk betraying his scowl.

Vriska cracks her beer, taking a long chug, grabbing the wash cloth off of the handle of the stove and mopping at Johns hair.

"How much longer until dinners done? I wanna get a match in on Leauge." She asks, lips close to John's ear.

He hums. "Probably another hour."

Vriska smiles and gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek before waltzing over to the computer. You watch her go, perplexed at her terrible manners. Playing games with guests over? How rude.

You shake your head. You're starting to sound like Karkat. Huh.

You know you do for sure as you look at your boyfriend, shooting daggers at the back of Vriska's head. You stand, wiping the beer off of your shirt and lean over John to get a look at what he's making.

"Is that...lasagna?"

John nods enthusiastically. "My nana used to make the best kind. So I'm making that tonight. It's gonna blow your mind."

"The only thing it's gonna blow is their assholes out." Vriska says from the computer.

"Hey!" John says playfully with a tinge of hurt in his voice.

"The wheat you use to make that stuff is weird, John. It's not good for your stomach."

John shakes his head, going back to layering the pan full of sauce and pasta. "Still tastes good."

You look at Karkat who shrugs, cup of hot coffee in his hands.

\----------------------------------------------

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you officially hate your boyfriend's best friend and his girlfriend.

They are way too prying on your relationship over dinner. Vriska trying to sniff out the nearly non-existent sexual life you two share, while John keeps making homoerotic jokes with Dave. When Dave makes them, it's fine. He's half gay, so it's whatever. But hearing John make them makes your blood boil. He's not gay in the slightest, but somehow still pulls off the best stereotypical gay lisp you've ever heard.

You're about 4 glasses of wine in. You made a deal with Dave that he would drive and only drink one beer while you got hammered, and in return you would write him a poem to rap on his album (Mixtape, whatever).

He likes your poetry for some damn reason, proclaiming you're a better writer than he is, but you doubt that. The only person you let see your poetry is your teacher. But the moment he found your notebook, filled with lines, he crawled all over you with praise.

So whatever. As long as you're not reciting it.

You're draining the rest of your glass when when Vriska asks:

"So, Karkat, are you a virgin?"

You pause mid-sip, feeling Dave's on you immediately. Slowly, you lower your glass on to the table and take a deep breath.

"That's none of your business, Serket." You respond, a small trace of venom escaping under your words.

Vriska had obviously picked up on it, smirking maliciously.

"It's a yes or no question, Kar."

You keep your eyes at your plate, foot tapping and hand gripping your knee. Dave seems to notice your current level of uncomfort and takes your hand. You can hear John silently whisper Vriska's name, cautiously warning her.

But she doesn't stop.

"I heard something from Eridan the other day-"

You don't hear anything else she says because you suddenly stand, and stomp away, tossing the door open and fleeing the apartment.

You hear Dave call after you but you're too busy rushing to the car to make sure no one witnesses you holding back your anger.

\----------------------------------------------

"Karkat!" You call out, but he's already storming down the stairs.

Your name is Dave Strider and you're two seconds away from killing your best friend's girlfriend.

"What..." You begin, slowly turning your head towards Vriska.

"The fuck." You finish, pounding your fist on the table.

John is seriously pissed, fully turned at his girlfriend who simply has her arms crossed, frown formed thickly across her face.

"He shouldn't be holding that from everybody." She says, eying you.

"It's within his right to keep it a secret, Vris." John hisses. "Eridan shouldn't have told you and you shouldn't have told me."

Vriska sighs, closing her eyes. "If he talks about it, it'll get easier to deal with."

"You don't fucking know that." You bark at her.

Vriska opens her eyes half way. "Kankri seems to think so."

You pause, narrowing your eyebrows. She talks to Karkat's brother? You file that information away for later, instead deciding top priority is to check on your boyfriend.

"John. Keep your girlfriend on a leash." You say before standing and walking out of the apartment.

You get down the stairs and look around. In the dusk light, you can see a trail of smoke whisping from the passenger door of your car. Hands in pockets, you walk over.

You reach the car and find your boyfriend hunched over, head down and freshly lit cigarette dangling precariously from his fingers. You stand still for a moment, considering your options.

Karkat throws them all out of the window the minute he talks.

"I didn't want her to know. Infact, I don't want anyone to know. This thing is such a fucking plague on my entire life and I just want to move past it. I can't even do anything with you because the second we get anywhere beyond light kissing and touching I freak the fuck out."

You stand stock still, scratching the back of your head.

"You know that doesn't bother me...right?" You ask, hand raised in a quizitive gesture.

"It bothers ME, Dave..." He says, shaking his head. "It bothers me..."

Your hand comes down to your leg and you look around you.

Everything is all starting to get to the point that you're unsure of what to say to your troubled boyfriend. You're not a professional, and the thought of getting him therapy is one you avoid as you both know neither of you can afford it.

You're saved from your silence as John walks up to you.

"Hey guys. Sorry about that...I talked to Vriska and she explained some things."

John laughs dryly. "Yeah, okay, what's her fucking excuse this time."

John, looking conflicted, rubs at the scruff on his face. "Well, she explained that she was "getting somewhere" with her questions." John says, pulling out his left hand from his pocket to mimic air quotes.

"And where was she getting?" You ask, focused on John.

Scratching at his hair, he answers. "Well, she said she's been talking to Kankri since Eridan told her-"

"What." Karkat says, head directed towards John, disbelief clouding on his face.

"Um...yeah. She said that her sister is friends with his friend and she got his number through her and she started talking to him when she found out. She...uh..."

"Spit it out John."

John looks uncomfortable, but at this point you're ready to shake him to get to the point.

"She says that Kankry and Cronus have made up and that...Cronus wants to apologize. And that she thinks that you should do it. For, like...your benefit or something."

If jaws were able to reach the ground, you're sure yours would making a deafening slam into the concrete.

You turn your head quickly to gauge Karkat's reaction.

He doesn't have one. And he doesn't say anything as he steps down and stomps on his cigarette butt after throwing it to the ground. He climbs back into the car and slams the door shut.

You turn to John, feeling as though you're probably just dreaming everything at this point. John looks sheepish and apologetic.

"Uh..." You say, effectively speechless.

John rubs his eyes under his glasses. "Okay, well, thanks for coming, Dave," he says putting a hand on your shoulder and bringing you into a hug. He separates soon after and gives you a small smile.

"Sorry about...everything. I mean. It was Vriska's idea in the first place so I guess this was her plan all along."

"Yeah..." You trail off looking at the ground. "I guess so."

John nods and you both stand awkwardly for a moment.

"Alright, well, see you tomorrow then." You say punching his shoulder slightly.

"Yeah," John nods once again. "Tomorrow."

You climb into the car and John watches you drive off. You keep looking at Karkat who just continues to stare out of the window in silence. The silence continues as you get home and both climb into bed.

You stare at the ceiling for a good long while, contemplating everything that had happened tonight. Looking over at Karkat on the right side of the bed, you wonder if he's still awake.

You don't speak though. Instead, you rap and arm around him and hold him tightly.

You're name is Dave Strider and you hope your boyfriend isn't broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey.
> 
> Thanks for the feedback everyone, really appreciate it. Keeps me going on this even though I feel like I'm going about it all wrong. Nothing's really planned, I'm pretty much wingin it after this chapter.
> 
> I got another idea in the works and I'm for sure gonna actually plan that shit out. It's a cool idea in my head so I want it to come out right.
> 
> So, for the songs of this chapter, Dave's first section is Open Mike Eagle - Admitting the Endorphin Addiction: https://youtu.be/_dWWVnrTnj0
> 
> Karkat and Dave's second section section is Animal Collective - Winters Love:  
> http://youtu.be/mSTSD2EhMUI
> 
> I'm excited to see this fan art. I hope it's cute.
> 
> I guess I'll continue on doing this fic recs cause a lot of good fics need exposure.
> 
> Choosing Insanity by SomeoneIMayOrMayNotBe:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7243288/chapters/16444498  
> Dude keeps character consistency pretty tight and plays off on implied relationship standards that you'd hope find in a good humanstuck fic. And it's pretty much 90% pesterlog. Which is crazy. That shit is way too much for me but he hasn't made a single slip up so he deserves kudos and comments.  
> Check it.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> 


	6. Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GC: WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?
> 
> TG: right now  
>  TG: i just went around the block and picked up some cigs  
>  TG: you need anything while im here
> 
> GC: ICE CREAM PLEASE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning yo.
> 
> Self-Harm.
> 
> Read at your own risk if that's like a thing for you.

"Garnet."

"Peridot."

"Garnet."

"Peridot."

"Garnet."

"Peridot."

Your name is Dave Strider and you're currently debating who the best gem from Steven Universe is with your boyfriend, Karkat Vantas.

"I will admit," you begin. "Peridot can be funny. But there are several things that detract from her being the best."

Karkat shakes his head in disbelief. "And those things are?"

"Exhibit A. She is a meme. She is 100% meme material, every episode she's in. Exhibit B. The use of 'Clods' is her running joke."

"Yeah but that's what's funny about her, all of her faces and shit. And she's a home world gem, everything seems stupid to her. Garnet just gets excited over fusion."

You scoff. "And you aren't? Revealing new fusions is one of the best things the show does, every time it happens it's so badass."

"All she does is wear shades and act cool and..." Karkat pauses. You can see the gears turning in his head. "Oh, you fucking asshole."

The next minute is spent deflecting Karkat's attempts to hit you in the face with a pillow.

"It took you that long to figure it out? I knew in a second you would fall in love for Peridot because she's short and angry all the time."

"Fuck. You." Karkat curses as he climbs on top of you, playfully smothering you with his weapon.

You disarm him and he looses balance, head colliding with your chest. Sitting like that for a moment, he sits up, a smirk on his face. You raise an eyebrow and attempt to sit up.

Your boyfriend's hands grip your shoulders and forced you down, having the advantage of high ground. He quickly lowers his head and starts furiously making out with you.

You spend what seems like an eternity making out until his phone rings. Groaning into your mouth, he disconnects and picks his phone up off of the side of the bed. In an instant, all of his good mood is gone, a scowl quickly replacing the softness of his expression.

"Who is it?" You ask, propping up on your elbows.

"My insufferable brother." He says, swinging his leg over from his straddling position and standing.

It's been a couple days since your dinner at John's when Vriska shat all over what was supposed to be a nice double date. You had put off mentioning it to Karkat, and how you actually agreed with his brother about how he should hear what Cronus had to say.

Not that he should forgive him. He's still a massive scum bag for doing it in the first place. Just that maybe hearing what he had to say could give him closure.

Huffing, Karkat stares at his phone before answering.

"Yes?" He greets his brother. You sit up and swing your legs over the side of the bed, reaching for your pack of cigarettes.

Everytime he's brought to thinking about Cronus, he takes one of your cigarettes. You could've sworn he had a distaste for them, but he shows a pattern. Maybe he used them as a vice at one point and Cronus is a trigger?

That's all just speculation. If he had quit previously, you wouldn't want him to start up again. It truly is a disgusting habit, no matter how much you personally relish the rush of nicotine.

Karkat is rubbing his face sore in annoyance, and all you can do is puff away. So you toss your lighter at him and he turns around to shoot you a glare. You mouth the word 'Speaker' and he huffs, pressing the button on his screen.

"-and while I know you personally cannot forgive him, and I completely understand as to why you can't, you should still hear what he has to say. He has been through therapy and has spent the last few years realizing an evil truth about himself." Kankri's calculated sounds out from the phone speaker.

This is the first time you've heard his voice. And he sounds like a pretentious asshat. Reaching the highest point of holier than thou possible. You absently rub your nose as Karkat screams back at his brother.

"For fucks sake, Kankri, you're supposed to be the fucking social justice general, why, for all that is holy, do you even agree with that piece of shit? Why stick me in the same fucking room as him to talk about it? HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID. He can feel bad about it all he wants, but I'm the one that's the goddamn victim here."

"Karkat, language." Kankri chastises. Karkat looks to you and points his trembling with anger middle finger at his phone, and you resist the bubbling laughter rising in your throat.

"I simply think that you may be able to come to terms with what has happened."

"I already have, Kankri. I don't need to see that gross fuck with his shitty cigarettes!"

You freeze in place.

"He quit smoking, Karkat. Please, I understand where you're coming from but I implore you to at least consider it."

Karkat shakes his head with closed eyes, heaving a heavy sigh.

"Whatever, Kankri. Bye." And with that, the calls over. He tosses the phone onto the bed, turning to you.

"Can you fucking believe that piece of shit? Wanting to talk to me? And the fact that Kankri supports it, un-fucking-believable."

He sits down on the bed, one leg under him. He regards you, obviously noticing your silence.

"What?"

You twirl your cigarette with your fingers, watching the smoke dance. 

"Shitty cigarettes, huh...didn't know he smoked..."

"Wha-" He stops himself, realizing. "Oh. No, Dave, I didn't mean it like that, it's just..."

Trailing off, you look up at your boyfriend as he searches for what to say.

"Just what?" You ask, barely holding back your bite.

"Just that that's what I remember him for most!" He yells, arms up in the air.

"Well...kinda sucks to know we have some similarities." You say, turning your attention back to the cigarettes.

Karkat buries his face into his hands and screams. It's clear that you have some insecurities, given everything that has happened since your first kiss with Karkat. Sometimes you wonder if his inability to do anything sexual isn't because of Cronus, but because of you.

You feel the sheets ruffle as Karkat crawls over to you. Before you can say anything, he slumps his head down to rest on your shoulder and nips the cigarette out of your hand. He takes one long drag and blows it out slowly in a thin line.

"See? It's not the cigarettes. It's Cronus." He says, handing it back to you.

"Yeah, but you only smoke when something about him comes up." You relay your previous revelation.

Karkat makes a noise as if he's going to say something, but pauses for a moment.

"Okay. So, maybe that's a trigger and that's something that I connect with him. But," he emphasizes, shaking your arm. "It has nothing to do with you. I wouldn't fucking KISS you if I had a problem with it."

He has a point, that you can't deny. He doesn't really delve into sex much but he doesn't shy away from the opportunity to kiss you.

You feel as thought now is the time you should tell him that you agree with his brother. Because there will be no right time to tell him.

After a minute of silence, you tell him.

"I agree with Kankri. I think you should talk to Cronus." You say, quickly following with a drag of our cigarette.

Karkat doesn't move for a solid minute before he sits up and fixes you with a stare.

"Did I just hear you right? Or did I imagine that? Did you just tell me you think I should talk to my fucking rapist?" He says, voice rising with each question.

You rub at your eyes, mentally preparing to get into a real fight with your boyfriend.

"You don't have to forgive him, Kar." You start. "You don't even have to see his fucking face. You can just talk to him over the phone. At least then you can hang up on him any time you want."

It seems your rationalizing does no good as Karkat dislodges from your arm and gets out of bed.

"No. Oh, fuck no, Dave. I can't fucking believe you're siding with Kankri."

"I'm not siding with anyone! I'm just saying that maybe this will give you some closure with what happened and you can move on." You say standing up from the bed, approaching your boyfriends back.

"You are!" Karkat turns around to you, open palms gesturing outward. "You're taking his fucking side! You know I don't want to talk to Cronus. You SHOULD know I never want to at all! And yet, what is it? Sex? Is that why?"

You ball up your fists.

"Oh, really, Karkat? You think this is about me and you? No. We could never have sex for the rest of our natural born lives and I couldn't give less of a shit. Like YOU said, YOU want to get over it. And I think this will fucking help you."

Karkat chuckles bitterly. "And how could talking to him help? So what? I can hear his fucking excuse as to why he did it? My brother wouldn't put out, so I was the next best thing. There is no underlying reason. He wanted to get off, and so he did. Jesus fuck, I thought you cared about how I felt about this whole thing."

In that moment, it takes your entire will to hold back your seething rage. Instead, you construct the wall you had taken years to tear down in a matter of seconds. You straighten your back, push up your shades, relax your hands out of their fists and start walking.

You keep walking, walking into the living room, walking out of the door, walking to the car and then stop. You get in the car.

You take the keys out of your pocket and turn the ignition. You drive out of the parking lot.

Your name is Dave Strider and you're pretty sure your boyfriend just broke your heart a little bit.

\----------------------------------------------

Your name is Karkat Vantas.

You never got rid of the razor. 

You had stolen your dad's straight razor years ago after he died, before Cronus when the depression first started. And you cut every single time the urge came to you. Every single time someone got angry with you, everytime Kankri was stressed out trying to raise you. You don't really remember the night after Cronus. You're pretty sure you passed out in the bath tub. It's a wonder how Kankri never caught you. You guess between bills, two jobs and a passion for social justice, he just didn't have too much attention to spare.

You spin it in your hands, considering the option. Dave had just walked out on you, and the nagging urge to cut hasn't left you for months.

...

"Fuck it." You say, pulling your pants down and your underpants up. You press the blade to your leg and-

Your phone buzzes.

It's a text from Dave. You toss the razor aside and lean over to pick it up, heart rate spiking.

TG: whatever you think i walked out for  
TG: get it out of your head  
TG: i was just too angry and had to get out

GC: YOU FORMED YOUR WALL, DIDN'T YOU?  
GC: I WATCHED YOU DO IT.

TG: i did that so i wouldn't yell at you  
TG: karkat  
TG: i know why you dont want to talk to him  
TG: but im serious  
TG: and its not about sex  
TG: i think itll help you  
TG: i see you everyday  
TG: i see what this is doing to you in real time  
TG: no matter how many years have passed

GC: I CAN'T DAVE.  
GC: I CAN'T HEAR HIS VOICE AGAIN.

TG: dont worry  
TG: ill be right there with you

You ball your hand into a fist, beating back tears.

GC: WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?

TG: right now  
TG: i just went around the block and picked up some cigs  
TG: you need anything while im here

GC: ICE CREAM PLEASE.

TG: okay  
TG: ill be back in a second

Tossing your phone aside, you lay back on your bed. Well, the bed you share with Dave. You haven't really lived in your apartment since you started dating. You brought your razor with you because having it nearby gave you the comfort that you had the option to release at anytime.

Which reminds you. You stand and pick it up, walking to the bathroom while pulling your pants up and putting the razor into your night bag under the sink.

As you walk out of the bathroom and close the door, you're greeted with Dave, a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a pint of Chubby Hubby in the other. You both stand still for a moment, unsure of what to do or say.

You start walking forward and nearly barrel your boyfriend over on to the floor with the force of your body as you engulf him in a hug.

"I'm sorry." You mumble into his chest.

"It's okay." He says, pressing a kiss to your head.

You settle into bed as the sun sets, watching Slipknot music videos. It's the only band you both agree that is completely bad ass and cringey middle school material at the same time.

You're silent for most of the night, but by eleven, you break it.

"Will you come with me to Kankri's?" You ask, not looking up at Dave.

Dave pauses the music and looks to you. "You're gonna go talk to him? Face to face?"

"Yeah...I think that if I just hear his voice, it's not really going to do much besides piss me off."

Dave doesn't hesitate to respond. "Of course I'll go with you. I'm not going to make you do this alone."

Your boyfriend takes your hand in his and squeezes. You look up to him, a warm smile tugging on your lips. You rest your head on your shoulders, full of anxiety and...

Oh.

Oh shit.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're pretty sure you just realized you're in love with your boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey.
> 
> I'm mildly satisfied with this chapter. Came out cool. I realized I don't really input too much humor in this anymore, so I tried to put a little bit in between the angst.
> 
> Two updates in one night yo. I may even do three if my brain forces me to stay awake for any longer. Or my new kitten. He won't stop scratching me.
> 
> Here's the shit for this chapters soundtrack/playlist, whatever.
> 
> The first half of Dave's section.
> 
> Noname (Used to be Noname Gypsy but she dropped Gypsy) - All I Need:
> 
> https://soundcloud.com/noname/all-i-need-feat-spzrkt
> 
> (Soundcloud link cause YouTube a shit.)
> 
> Second half of Dave's section, when they start fighting.
> 
> Death Grips - Full Moon (Death Classic):
> 
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sFmZ6WDkuj0
> 
> Karkat's section.
> 
> The Decemberists - Isn't It A Lovely Night?:
> 
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qDW7Q1ofqzw
> 
> Hope you enjoy the music. I have a feeling not many people on AO3 are hip-hop heads. But shit, you're in a fandom with one of the characters who is a rapper/DJ. Shit's cannon yo.
> 
> Fic Rec:
> 
> God Help The Outcasts by TransgenderSollux
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/4304076/chapters/9754941
> 
> EriSol with a heavy amount of mental illness. Characterization is damn good, but sadly, I think it may be dead. It's still a good read nonetheless.
> 
> Check it.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> P.S.
> 
> Is it obvious I'm a male? I've often found myself wondering what the gender difference is on this sight. This fandom on this site. I feel almost like it's mostly women.
> 
> Just a thought.
> 
> Later.


	7. The Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fucking asshole, being the considerate, loving douche he is. Speaking of which...you still haven't told him. That you love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo.
> 
> Read the end notes for me explaining my dumbass excuses for inactivity.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are currently sitting in your boyfriend, Dave Strider's car.

It was the day that you both decided to drive to Kankri's house outside of the city and talk to Cronus. It was also agreed upon that you would both celebrate your first Christmas together with Kankri, seeing as Dave didn't really have much of a family. John was with Vriska, Rose with Kanaya and his friend Jade (whom you haven't really heard much about) is too busy with her personal research to celebrate.

So. You sit in the passenger seat, fidgeting and twiddling your thumbs as you watch Dave pack up the car through the rear view mirror. You can't tell if he's even cold. You don't own a gigantic bomber jacket like he does, but you're freezing your ass off in your hand-me-down peacoat.

Slamming the trunk shut, Dave got into the car and started the engine, slowly pulling out of the complex and grinding the still falling snow into wide tire tracks.

"Are you gonna play something?" You ask, staring at the console.

"Nah." Was all that your boyfriend said.

Which is strange considering how he pretty much had a monopoly on what music was playing. He only ever let you play when you bitched at him enough, but it's probably clear why he's letting you play some now.

Fucking asshole, being the considerate, loving douche he is. Speaking of which...you still haven't told him. That you love him. You're almost positive that he would either not feel the same, or that he would freak out. Both scenarios would make YOU freak out. You both have been a little strained for the last month, so it feels as though you're walking on thin ice with him.

Which isn't to say you have been fighting, aside from that one time. It's simply that it's been a little tense since you tried to have sex. It's clear to you that it disappointed Dave. He couldn't hide that, it was too easy to read after how excited he was. Bawling like a wriggling baby didn't help your case either. It clearly showed how deeply damaged you were about this whole thing.

You hope this trip changes that. You hope seeing his shitty fucking face with his dumb shit eating grin would finally make you realize that he didn't matter at all, and his violation of your personal boundaries do not control who you are or who you're able to be with.

"Are you alright?"

Your head whips to look at Dave, who is periodically looking between you and the road.

"What?" You question, suddenly feeling like your voice is very small.

Dave juts a finger at you. "You're kinda ripping that hole in your pants a little too big."

You look down to find your hand wringing at the hole at your knee of your favorite pair of skinny jeans. Huh.

"Oh. Sorry. Guess I was just lost in thought." You say, letting the long flap of denim fall to the side.

Dave nods, finally turning into Kankri's drive way. You won't be seeing Cronus for another couple days, but the stone in your stomach is already dragging all the energy out of you.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and it's safe to say you're nervous about seeing Cronus again.

\---

"...and you must be David."

Your name is Dave Strider and you hate your boyfriend's brother.

"Dave. Just, Dave." Karkat spits at Kankri, arms folded tightly against his chest.

"Ah, well, I apologize for presuming your name, Dave. Come in, would you like some tea?" Kankri asks, hands working to fold your coats over the coat rack.

"Uh, nah. If you have some AJ though, that would be dope." You say, looking at a visibly annoyed Karkat.

"Certainly," the older Vantas responds, straightening to a standing position. "The kitchen is right this way."

You're put off as the red sweater clad man steps aside with a sweeping gesture towards the entry way of his house. You're more put off once you step onto the foyer, eyeing the glossy hardwood floor and carpeted stairs leading up to the second floor. To your left is the living room, decked out with faded green suede couches, red carpet and fire place.

No TV.

You shoot Karkat a look but he's too busy stomping past you into the living room. You quickly follow to see the living room bleeding into the kitchen, a low arch way sectioning off the two rooms.

A small amount of light shifts through the window above the sink, bathing Karkat in a soft, dusty glow as he fiddles with the coffee pot adjacent to the fridge. You're somewhat struck by the image until Kankri strides in front of you towards the fridge.

The Vantas brother stands straight, holding out a small bottle of juice to you over the fridge door. You awkwardly walk forward and grab it, twisting the cap off and taking a sip in one motion.

"You need water Dave, I'm serious." Karkat says, staring at you as the coffee makes the sounds of someone shitting brown liquid.

"Nah man, I'm good. Got the sweet nectar of the gods flowing through my mouth and down my throat."

Karkat's face gets even more annoyed, but you shrug it off, walking towards the fireplace to poke at the logs inside.

Your name is Dave Strider and you're mostly just waiting for the shit to hit the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo.
> 
> So, this shit's been dead for a minute. I was thinkin of not updating because I wasn't confident in where it was going. That and dealing with dumb life shit that generally gets in the way.
> 
> But I've seen how much love this piece of shit has gotten so I guess I'll continue. No promises though, honestly, I'm a little fucked.
> 
> I got two pieces of art y'all, shit's gravy. They pretty old but I have to give credit.
> 
> First is from Kitsuya, who drew a smoking Dave at night with his bomber jacket I mentioned only once before this chapter.
> 
> http://thissiteisshite.tumblr.com/post/149075942971/sick-shit-therealkitsu-did-a-fan-art-for-my-fan
> 
> And the second is done by originalcrazystrange who made the defeated morning Karkat with a bun and Dave's shirt. Boy got beautiful eyes.
> 
> http://thissiteisshite.tumblr.com/post/149299047566/originalcrazystrange-did-a-wee-doodle-of-a-hot
> 
> Any shit you got to send art wise you can send to my tumblr.
> 
> thissiteisshite.tumblr.com
> 
> Here's the song for this chapter.
> 
> Mansions - Dig Up The Dead:  
> https://youtu.be/suF6EVi_OJI
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> P.S.  
> I'm workin on makin these actual links you can click on, I just ain't good at it.


	8. Shit, Meet Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay. I'll get the keys."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning I guess.
> 
> Mentions of Rape.
> 
> I feel obligated to do it, I unno.

"So...your brother is kinda..."

"Pompous?"

"Nice."

"What?"

Your name is Dave Strider and you're laying in bed next to Karkat Vantas, watching The Legend of Korra in his old room.

"What the fuck do you mean nice?" Your boyfriend asks, incredulous.

"Well, I mean he isn't a douchebag. Kind of the opposite. He offered me a drink and talked to me and shit. So I would say nice?" You say, pushing your sunglasses above your hair.

Karkat's room is dimly lit with fairy lights, something that for some reason doesn't surprise you considering his nature. A movie poster for Will Smith's Hitched hangs near the door and you're a little uncomfortable being under the man's seductive gaze.

"He's a condescending dick head, Dave. He doesn't like to hear curse words, any thing you say that isn't blatantly politically correct is immediately shot out of the sky, and shit, anything he doesn't agree with gets condemned under 50 paragraphs of scolding." He says, counting reasons to hate his brother on his left hand.

"Look, all I'm sayin' is that he had AJ, so he's cool in my book."

"You mean your book of incredibly lame people?" He says with snark, turning to give you a look.

"That burn was lame." You retort, pushing his nose in.

"Fucking quit!" He yells, slapping your hand away from his face, attempting to hide a smile and failing at it.

You and your boyfriend play fight with each other for a couple more minutes before you're both too tired to fuck around. You both resign to rewind the episode, you laying on Karkat's chest. Hearing his slow steady heartbeat, you wonder how he'll feel tomorrow when Cronus arrives.

You don't bother asking. You can take a good guess.

Your name is Dave Strider and you hope there's something good that'll come out of tomorrow.

\---

"Do I look like I give a shit what I wear?"

"C'mon dude, you need to show him that you're a well adjusted adult. You can't just wear a sweatshirt and skinny jeans like you're some teenager crying to their therapist."

Your name is Karkat Vantas and your boyfriend, Dave Strider, is pressing a flannel and sweater onto your resisting hands.

"Okay, one? I'm not adjusted. I can't even suck your dick." Dave frowns. You ignore it. "Two, I don't need to look like anything for him." You say, taking the clothes and throwing them on the ground.

Dave looks down at the clothes and sniffs. 

"I just cleaned those."

You roll your eyes. "Do you see how cleanly my fucking floor is? They aren't dirty, Dave. Just put them back and give them to me for the next date night."

Dave huffs as he bows down to pick up the pile of clothes. "As you say, dear."

"Ew." You sneer, turning around to open up the window at the foot of your bed. 

You turn back around and snatch Dave's cigarettes off the bedside table. You're just about to light up when Dave clears his throats behind you. You turn around to see him making a grabbing gesture with his hand.

"Ask first please. If you want a pack I'll just buy you one. You're running me dry here." He says, taking the pack back.

"Like I said, this is occasional. I just need this for now." You remind him, striking a flame beneath your cigarette.

Dave joins you, showing you Vines he thinks are funny. You only kinda chuckle at one before stubbing your cigarette butt on the windowsill and flicking it out into the neighbors yard.

You and Dave go down stairs to find Kankri making...something.

Damn vegan.

"Kankri, do you have any food in this house for normal people to eat?"

Your brother looks startled as he turns to face you, mouth open to launch a verbal assault on the rudeness of not preparing a person before speaking with them as to not trigger them and the indecency of treating those with different dietary choices as not being normal human beings.

But is interrupted when the door bell rings.

You stiffen, slowly craining your neck to look at the door. Through the window you can see jet black hair bobbing left and right.

You nearly jump when Dave places a hand on your shoulder, squeezing you. You deflate a little bit, looking at Kankri who has a warm smile.

What the fuck.

"One minute!" He yells, drying his hands. "We'll talk later, Karkat." He says, pointing to you with a look as he waddles past.

"Fucking house mother." You mumble to yourself. Feeling Dave silently chuckle makes you relax further, but not enough to be comfortable.

The door swings open.

"Hello, Cronus. I take it your trip was well?" Your stomach drops.

"Kan, I live a couple blocks down. It don't take nothin' to just walk here."

Your blood runs cold, eyes quaking with fear and anger at the sound of his voice. Dave must sense something as he comes round to face you, lifting your face up by the chin.

"Look at me, Karkat." He commands. You're finding it hard to look at anything at the moment.

"I'm right here. I'm going to be right next to you the whole time." He finishes by giving you a gentle, easy kiss.

Your knees lock to keep you from falling just as you're about to collapse. You open your eyes and nod at your boyfriend as he gives you a smile and a pap.

Finding your way to a seat beside the fire place, you sit down and resist the urge to bounce your leg. There's some chatter coming from the door still, Dave comes beside you with a wooden chair from the kitchen and sits next to you, placing a hand on your knee.

Okay. So, you're about to meet your rapist years later. Who supposedly wants to talk and explain himself. What's the worst that can happen?

A panic attack.

But you try not to think about that as Kankri steps aside, in walking...

Who is the fuck is this walking shit stick?

It...looks like Cronus. Kinda. If he were a dad.

The tall, olive skinned man walks in, circular glasses perched upon his nose. He's wearing a whire corduroy, slim blue jeans rolled above black loafers.

No cigarette around his person in sight.

"Um...hey, Karkat." He greets you megerly, waving a limp hand.

"What the fuck is this shit?" You say, confusion taking over you. "Who are you?"

"Language!" Kankri scolds, glaring at you as he follows being Cronus.

"Karkat. This is Cronus. Here, take a seat." Your brother says, gesturing to the chair across from you.

Cronus regards the chair and thanks Kankri.

You both sit in silence for a couple minutes.

You decide to break it.

"What do you want?" You ask, not even attempting to hide the venom behind your words.

The man in front of you looks sheepish, twiddling his thumbs.

"Well I, uh...I wanted to apologize," he starts slowly. "And I wanted to...reimburse you for all the pain I've caused."

"What?"

Cronus looks at Kankri, biting his lip nervously. Your brother only offers him a smile and two words.

"Go on."

Cronus nods, leaning on his knees.

"Okay, so. After I...raped you," you wince. "I was reported by your dear brother to the police. The trial was short as I confessed to what I had done early on in questioning, and they gave me a sentence. I've only been out for a year now and-"

"And no one told me? Any of this?" You interrupt, cold and quiet

"Let Cronus finish, Karkat." Kankri tells you. You shoot a murderous glare at your brother.

"No, no, it's okay, Kan. He has every right to be angry." Kankri gives in with a huff.

"Okay so," Cronus says, turning to you again. You feel like your face is frozen between a scowl and and a confused expression.

"I had a hard time in prison, dealing with myself. I can't exactly make up for what I've done, but I've repented. I sought help, I saw therapists and went to groups. I realized at a time that I have a bit of a sexual addiction. Now, your brother being celibate, I took out my urges on you. I found god, so to say, during my time in prison. I got let out early on good behavior. When I left, I had a lot of talks with my father, who has given me the position of Vice President of his shipping company. I've come into a lot of money, and I've decided the first thing I want to do with it is to repay you for what I did."

You bore wholes into the man sitting across from you, unable to really register what you just heard.

"Repay...me?" You start, words forming as slow as molasses.

Cronus nods solemnly.

"Repay me." You repeat, robitically. Cronus' brows knit, a worried expression engulfing his face.

"Fucking. Repay. Me?" Your voice rising with each word. You stand quickly, rage coursing through your veins, barely feeling Dave's hand slide off of your knee.

You think of all the things that you have wanted to say to this scumbag, all the times you wanted to beat his face in for fucking up any romantic chance you had, for fucking up your sex life to the point where you can't even make love with the man you love.

And you're speechless.

You ball your hands into fists, staring at the ground, tears building. Slowly, you release your fingers, taking long, calculated steps away from the living room to the front door, opening and closing it behind you.

You sit down on the stoop.

You're name is Karkat Vantas and you don't want to be here anymore.

\---

Fuck.

Well. Uh. What do you do now?

Your name is Dave Strider and you sit awkwardly across from your boyfriends rapist in the living room of the Vantas house.

You look to Cronus who is rubbing his face. Kankri is patting his back with a sympathetic look and you're just kinda siting there like an idiot.

"Well...uh...okay. I'll go sit with Kat." You say as you stand and shuffle towards the door.

You open it to find your boyfriend sitting with his knees against his chest. Closing the door, you play with your hands as you debate if you should say something. Instead, you decide to sit down next to him and keep your mouth shut.

Wind blows past you, whistling in your ears. December is fucking cold in Seattle. Almost makes you miss Houston.

Almost.

You jump when a head full of curly hair lands on your shoulder. Looking to your left, you see Karkat staring off into the distance.

Wrapping an arm around him, you rest your chin atop his head, finding contentness in being a support.

It's some time before he breaks the silence.

"Can we leave? Like, right now?" He asks, eyes still off in space.

You pause for a minute, feeling struck by how off your boyfriend sounds. Like he's broken.

"Okay. I'll get the keys."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo.
> 
> So we bout to wrap up the first act here. Maybe 2-4 chapters left of this. Then we return to college life.
> 
> So I know people got questions and details and critiques and whatever about the characters, and I'll say don't worry. I'll try my best to explain why I'm writing them like this within the narrative.
> 
> Hopefully you don't hate it.
> 
> No music or fic rec cause I'm lazy and tired. Soz.
> 
> If anyone contacted me via tumblr I wouldn't know cause I forgot what email I used for that shit. It's bumming me out cause I wanted to get active on there but now I'm lost. I might make a new one (my 4th tumblr if that's the case). I don't know if anyone cares to you know, chat or some shit or follow me or whatever but yeah, I would.
> 
> Uh. Yeah.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	9. Night Out On The Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lights seem too bright around you, and you wonder briefly if it would snow anytime soon, it being colder than a fucking witch tit.
> 
> You're jostled out of your thoughts when Karkat wraps himself around your right arm.
> 
> Everything suddenly felt a little warmer.

The sun was steadily going down. Having spent most of the day driving around town in silence and listening to your music, you decided to stop for dinner.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're sitting in a Burger King parking lot at sun down with your boyfriend, Dave Strider.

"Wanna come in?" Your boyfriend asks after putting the car in park.

You shake your head, looking at your phone.

You're currently reading the text Kankri had just sent you.

KANKRI: While I understand y9ur sudden exit, please c9ntact me s99n.

Whatever.

"No. Just get me a water." You answer Dave as you lock your phone and put it away.

Dave nods, hands gripping the wheel. He grunts as he opens the door and struggles his long legs through the door.

"Hey!" You call out. Dave spins around on his ankle to look at you. "Could you leave me a cigarette?" 

"Oh, sure." Dave passes you a clean white stick full of tobacco.

Dave closes the door lightly, jacket bobbing as he takes long strides towards the door.

You take a match from the center console and light the cigarette balancing between your lips, cranking the window down. The cold December air hits your arm as you let it dangle outside the door.

\---

"A whopper sandwich and a water, please."

The cashier nods to you and punches in buttons on her console.

You run your fingers on the bar, alone in a brightly lit fastfood joint, except for the workers behind the long platform.

Your name is Dave Strider and you're trying your damndest to deal with the fallout of Karkat talking to Cronus.

You've been doing things at Karkat's pace, letting him decide what you do and where you go, letting him play his music in the car. You don't have a problem waiting on your boyfriend, especially when he's feeling as bad as he does. 

It's just that you have no idea how to make it better.

The entire day after you left Kankri's, you kept trying to make conversation but absolutely nothing seems appropriate to talk about. You're by far stuck in the most tense, awkward silence you've ever been in.

You saunter over to a booth while you wait for your food to get done. As soon as you sit down however, your phone buzzes.

Huh. It's Rose. You haven't spoken in a minute.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 20:24 --

TT: Hello, Dave.  
TT: I am currently sitting with Kanaya next to the fire place drinking coffee.  
TT: We were just discussing your relationship with Karkat and I realized we haven't spoken for quite some time.

TG: funny  
TG: was just thinkin the same thing

TT: How are you?

TG: eh you know  
TG: currently cleaning the shit that got sliced up by a fan earlier today

TT: Oh?

TG: yeah  
TG: karkat and cronus had their sit down today

TT: Oh.

TG: yeah

TT: I take it that it didn't go well?

TG: on a scale of 1-10, 10 being it went the best and 1 being the absolute worst  
TG: its a negative 50

TT: Oh My. Where are you now?

TG: burger king

TT: Burger King?

TG: yeah  
TG: we been out all day and needed some food  
TG: whats better than greasy food

TT: Nutritous food is assuredly better.

TG: little hard to find that when it's so close to midnight on a college student budget  
TG: i can't be a baller with small music donations and finical aid

TT: This is true. One cannot ball unless they have a steady high income.

TG: exactly  
TG: so here i sit in a burger king, waiting to get my burger and karkat's water

TT: How is Karkat?

TG: um  
TG: not good i think  
TG: he hasnt stopped being quiet  
TG: rose  
TG: i don't know what to do

TT: Oh Dave.  
TT: If Karkat wants you around while he's going through the motions of his turmoil, I would say you're doing exactly what he wants you to do.  
TT: Do you think you have to fix it?

TG: i want to fix it  
TG: i don't want him feeling like this rose  
TG: he doesnt deserve to feel like this

TT: No one deserves to be raped, Dave. But the simple fact of the matter is that he was.  
TT: He has a right to feel anyway he wants right now.  
TT: That doesn't mean you have to fix it.  
TT: Truthfully, no one can fix how he feels.

TG: yeah  
TG: i guess you're right  
TG: oh shit i gotta go food is up

TT: Okay, Dave. Text me later?  


TG: sure

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 20:29 --

You lock your phone and put it in your jacket pocket as you walk up to receive your food. Paying for the grease sandwich and water, you grab the bag and bottle and carry it to the doors.

You can't help but feel anxious. The world outside is completely dark, and a distressed Karkat sits outside waiting for you to come back. 

You push open the door, ready for anything he might throw at you.

\---

The lights on the inside of the restaurant blare like the sun, casting a long shadow of your cigarette across the pavement behind you. You watch the smoke dance off of the tiny butt before taking one last drag, opening the door to stub it out on the ground below you.

You step out and stretch, having sat in the car for hours. You instinctively put your hand on your hip, something you tend to do when you think. Scratching at your chin, you recount what had happened back at the house. While it was painful at the time, you're able to think with a clearer head now.

First of all, fuck Cronus. He is never receiving your sympathy, he doesn't deserve it. You don't care how hard it was for him in prison, it was his fault he got out there.

Secondly, you will immediately leave Kankri's if he is still there. You won't forgive your brother if that piece of shit is allowed to stay there any longer than the time you've been out.

Thirdly, fuck his offer. You refuse to take his money.

You hear the door to the restaurant open, turning your head to see Dave stop in his tracks, carrying a bag and water with a dumb expression of surprise on his face.

"Hey." He says.

"Hey." You say back.

He sniffs. "Where you wanna eat?"

You look around, setteling your gaze on the car's hood. You point your thumb to it while looking at Dave.

"Sure." He agrees, relaxed.

You take your seat to the right of him. He tears open his burger while you turn the bottle around in your hand. It's freezing cold, so you decide to just put it down and save it for later.

You rest your chin on your palm, turning your head to look at Dave as he wolfs down his burger. He seems pretty hungry at the rate he's eating it.

It's funny how even when he's being a disgusting pig, you find him adorable. You really do have it bad for him, but you have no idea when you should tell him. Everything is so fucked right now.

Or at least you are. Dave never really seems to have problems.

It's almost like you're his only problem...and you kinda hate yourself for thinking that. Your misplaced guilt overtaking your trust in the person you love is stupid. 

You resist the urge to sigh. It would only make Dave more worried. You certainly don't want that happening. He's worried enough and you can tell this relaxed demeanor is just a front.

You pick at the hole in your pants.

\---

Finishing your burger, you crumple up the wrapper before shooting it towards the trash can by the door. You miss. By a lot.

"Dang."

You turn to look at Karkat who has a ghost of a smile on his lips looking at your failed shot.

You stand and dunk it in to the can, satisfying your crushed dreams of going pro in the NBA. Sitting back down, you reflexively brush off your pants before pulling out your pack for the post meal nicotine rush.

The lights seem too bright around you, and you wonder briefly if it would snow anytime soon, it being colder than a fucking witch tit.

You're jostled out of your thoughts when Karkat wraps himself around your right arm.

Everything suddenly felt a little warmer.

You look down to the small man grappling your arm.

"Hey."

"No, Dave. I'm not indulging your want to do romance clichés twice."

You chuckle lightly. "Okay, dear."

"Ew."

You sit for another minute, enjoying Karkat's contact before he speaks up.

"I'm ready to go home now."

You look to him again to read his face. He mostly just seems tired.

"Okay." You agree, planting a peck on top of his head.

On the way home he grabs your hand and laces your fingers together. It's hard to resist the smirk that grows on your face, so you decide to let your face win this one.

Once you get to Kankri's house, you blow past his calls from the kitchen to get into Karkat's room. You both shiver as you dress into your sleeping clothes.

"It's fucking cold."

"Do you want to be little spoon?"

"Nah."

Setting your glasses down on the bedside table, you climb into bed with your boyfriend, running your arm under his, pulling him into contact with your chest.

You don't sleep until you feel his breaths fall into a steady rhythm. You slowly drift, secure.

Your name is Dave Strider and you've never felt warmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo.
> 
> So I'm pretty happy with this chapter. It's probably the best piece of literature I've written.
> 
> Have I mentioned how much I fucking hate pesterlog coding?
> 
> Tell me what you think of this shit show of angst and fluff.
> 
> Thanks for reading

**Author's Note:**

> I am not dead.
> 
> I just haven't really had the motivation to update for awhile, but I scrounged up the motivation to continue because I couldn't leave you guys hanging.
> 
> You asked for it, so here it is.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


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